


Ay Macarena

by allthingsavenger



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Don't Even Read This Actually, Don't Judge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 14:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1019589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthingsavenger/pseuds/allthingsavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This garbage involves bananas, hammers, steaks and is really not worth examining too closely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ay Macarena

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stopstealingmysweetrolls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopstealingmysweetrolls/gifts).



> I wrote this fic many millennia ago for stopstealingmysweetrolls for when she eventually got ao3. Also, it has nothing to do with the macarena.

Tony groans resolutely into his hands as he sits at the workshop table.

“What’s your problem, loser?” Clint says loudly as he comes into the room and throws a banana at Tony’s head.

“What the fuck was that for you dick?” Tony glares, giving Clint the rude finger.

“You’re being a douche balloon,” Clint says and goes over to collect his banana.

“Is this about your fanboy crush on the frozen ice block?” he demands obnoxiously and swings up to sit in the rafters, peeling back his banana.  
“Shut up, pigeon man,” Tony retorts at Clint’s dangling feet, “I’m trying to invent stuff here.”

He grabs a hammer and starts hitting a hunk of metal with it.

“I could totally help you with mating rituals. Also, that hunk of metal looks like your face,” Clint tells him and Tony swings angrily, hitting it extra hard out of furious angst and it bounces back and bashes him in the face.   
“OW FUCK YOU CLINT, YOU SHIT,” he screams and throws the hammer as hard as he can with his mighty man muscles. Bruce is walking through the door with a plate of sandwiches and the hammer flies across the room and the handle smacks him in the face. The plate of sandwiches goes flying and hits Dum-E’s camera and the bot swivels around and around on the floor of the workshop and then smashes into Tony who is trying to catch falling sandwiches.

“WHAT IN THE SHITTING NAME OF HIPPOPOTAMUS AND MACARONI?” Tony screams as he sails gracefully in a bot-shaped clump out the door and down the stairs. There is a loud crash and then Thor triumphantly smashes the doorway with his hammer and rides in on a magnificent eight legged steed.

“WAS THERE AN INCIDENT WITH A HAMMER HERE MY MIGHTY MAN FRIENDS?” he yodels at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly Loki appears out of nowhere and smashes a coffee table over Thor’s head.

“FUCK YOU THOR!” he screams through a megaphone, “that is my SON YOU STUPID FUCK!”

Clint runs out of the room and throws his banana peel down the stairs. Tony lies at the bottom of the stairs with a heavy metal robot on his chest and a banana peel on his face and starts crying.

  


LATER

  


Steve is walking around the top of the tower when Tony goes up to see him.   
“What are you doing?” he asks and Steve spins around and stares at him.

“Oh my goOOOOOD!” he yells, throwing his arms in the air, “why does everyone keep asking me that?”

Tony opens his mouth in surprise and Natasha leaps onto the roof from somewhere below and throws a bowl of chopped onions into his mouth.

“What is WRONG with you people?” Tony screams, onion flying in all directions and falls to his knees, “you’re all insane.”

Natasha declares, “do the hokey pokey!” and bungee jumps off the roof.

“I hate my life,” Tony weeps and Steve pats him on the head and says, “there, there.”

“What are you doing up here anyway?” Tony asks and Steve turns to him and solemnly says, “the vegetables in the fridge were going rotten so I had to take them up here and throw them off the roof so SHIELD doesn’t charge us for carrot cruelty.”

Tony ignores him because he is going to go crazy and needs to see a therapist.

“That’s a beautiful story,” he says and pulls a steak out of his pocket and gives it to Steve.

“What the fuck?” Steve screams and leaps away, bungee jumping off the tower.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tony screams and slides down the garbage chute to chase him. Steve runs onto the road and Tony panics and grabs a random kid’s broccoli out of his hand and throws it at Steve’s head.

“Come back here, I can explain!” he screams and leaps across a taxi. Steve runs into a Walmart and Tony finds him standing in the fridge next to all the frozen peas.

“Why did you give me a steak?” Steve screams at him.

“I don’t know, Clint said that is how you get a boyfriend!” Tony screams at him.

“That’s not how you get a boyfriend!” Steve screams at him.

“Then how do you get a boyfriend?” Tony screams at him.

“I don’t know, we didn’t have boyfriends in the 40’s!” Steve screams at him.

“I hate my life!” Tony screams at him.

Tony coaxes him out of the fridge with a hairdryer and then Fury appoints them all therapists.

  


THE END

 


End file.
